Understanding the Root Causes of Your Anger and How to Address Them

Anger is a powerful emotion. It can burst out at any time, or simmer below the surface turning into a boil which is the silent killer of our relationships, health and resultant well being. But, behind the anger there is something more; it often serves as a layer to protect us from our experiences of pain, fear or insecurity. Identifying the source of your anger may be all that you need in order to manage it effectively.

Anger feels different to everyone but have you ever asked yourself why some circumstances trigger a stronger reaction? Let’s take a closer look at the root causes of anger and explore ways to address them so you can regain control and find peace.

What Lies Beneath the Surface?

Anger is often just a symptom of something much deeper. While the external trigger—someone’s words or actions—might seem like the cause, there’s usually a more profound reason behind it. When you dig deeper, you may find that unresolved pain, past traumas, or unmet needs are driving your reaction.

Anger often stems from hurt or fear for many people. Perhaps it’s fear of rejection, fear of being vulnerable, or fear of failure. Hurt can arise from experiences where you felt disrespected, unloved, or misunderstood. These emotions build up over time, and when triggered, anger surfaces as a protective shield.

Identifying the core emotion behind your anger can be liberating. Once you uncover the real reason, you can work toward healing it.

Common Root Causes of Anger

1. Unresolved Past Traumas
   Trauma in our childhood or past relationships can leave a lasting imprint on us long after they have occurred. These experiences, usually so well hidden that we are not even aware of them, certainly leave emotional scars. When a current situation reminds us of those old wounds, it can cause a surge of anger.
2. Unmet Emotional Needs
   All of us have emotional needs–whether it is the need for love, respect or security. Over time, if these needs continue to go unmet the frustration results in anger. If you’re feeling unappreciated at work, unsupported at home, or unheard in your relationships, these unmet needs might be fueling your emotional response.
3. Unhealthy Boundaries
   Boundaries protect your emotional and mental space. If others step on these boundaries a lot—be it through disrespect, overstepping, or negligence—anger can come up as a protective mechanism. Clear and firm boundaries can help reduce the anger you feel in response to boundary violations.
4. Stress and Overwhelm
   It’s easy to get angry when life becomes stressful. When you tackle all of those responsibilities day in and day out with little to no sleep or help from your partner, frustration starts boiling, anger becomes a relief outlet. Stress can reduce patience and one is more likely to be triggered with anger by minor annoyances.
5. Unexpressed Emotions
   Bottling up emotions like sadness, disappointment, or frustration can eventually lead to an outburst. When we avoid these emotions for long enough, they can turn to anger. This is why it is so important to find healthy ways of expression and processing emotions.

How to Address the Root Causes of Anger

Understanding why you’re angry is one thing; knowing how to address it is another. Here are some practical steps to take once you’ve identified the root cause of your anger:

1. Practise Emotional Awareness
   Begin by checking in with yourself regularly. Ask yourself, “What am I truly feeling right now?” If you observe some unwanted feelings such as anger starting to grow, just take a moment and look deeper. What is the real emotion? Being conscious of your emotional environment is the first step you should take to find the main source of your anger.
2. Create Space for Healing
   If your anger is connected to past trauma or experiences that have not been resolved, explore healing avenues. As an inner child healing coach, I’ve worked with many individuals to address the emotional wounds that fuel their anger. You might find that connecting with your inner self, and addressing those old hurts, provides relief. Check out our master class for guidance on healing and self-discovery.
3. Set Healthy Boundaries
   Boundaries are essential in all relationships. If you find that your anger often stems from people overstepping, it might be time to reassess your boundaries. Clearly communicate your limits and follow through with consequences when those boundaries are violated..
4. Release Through Healthy Outlets
   Instead of bottling up anger, look for ways to release the emotion. Try doing some physical activity, journaling or talking to a friend or therapist. If you share emotions beforehand, this will not allow anger to take over and escalate further.
5. Reframe Your Perspective
   Our point of view can also cause anger in a lot of instances. Try to reframe situations and look at them from a different angle. Ask yourself, “Is this worth my energy?” or “What’s really going on here?” Shifting your perspective can often diffuse the intensity of the emotion.

Your Journey to Calm

Dealing with anger is not about pushing it down or ignoring its existence. It is about understanding the root cause of it. When you get to the root of what is bothering you—whether it’s old trauma, unmet needs or stress from work—you begin healing.

Small intentional changes can help you get there. Keeping in line with this, it is vital to be mindful and allow yourself the space to share your emotions healthily as well as create boundaries that protect your heart and its overall health. Eventually, you’ll start to feel something shift — the less anger and more calm inside of you; a little bit more control over your emotions.

Ready to Heal?

If you are ready to dig deeper, and actually heal the wounds that may be fueling your anger—consider checking out our inner child healing master class. We can take care of those past wounds together so that you can rediscover your peace within.